On the mat with Leticia and Beatriz :)

Was it just a dream?  Were we really on the mat with Leticia Ribeiro and Beatriz Mesquita?  Yes we were...and here are the pictures to prove it!

I went to Austin on Sunday to attend my very first women's jiu jitsu seminar.  I brought my friend and my daughter.  We had no idea what to expect because we had never been to a jiu jitsu seminar before.  It was above and beyond what we could have ever hoped for.  It was literally more than 3 hours of instruction and working technique.  I took a few notes and a few pictures, but the memories of this seminar will be with me forever.  We worked on takedowns, and spider guard sweeps and even some advanced x-guard stuff.  I even had the opportunity to work with Leticia once (yes, it's OK to be jealous)!  In class you usually only work technique for 10-20 minutes...we worked technique for more than 3 hours!!  We've all heard this before, but it warrants repeating, so I'm going to paraphrase what Leticia said in her beautiful Brazilian accent..."you must do the simple move over and over again...until it is reflex...until you have the simple move down, you cannot move on to the advanced move".  

The whole experience made me realize how important it is for us to train together as women.  A lot of us have built in training partners with our daughters or our friends.  Make the time to train together.  Go early, stay late, train at home, but train.  Today I sit here very tried, very sore, fingertips raw from gripping gis for 3 hours, but oh so happy.  I got the rare opportunity to share the mat with more than 30 ladies that were black belts and brown belts and purple belts and blue belts and white belts...ladies of all ages and shapes and sizes and backgrounds...and what a beautiful, breathtaking experience it was.  I do not think I could have come up with any better way to celebrate my one year anniversary with BJJ!  Now, someone please tell me, where's the next women's BJJ seminar? 

I could not end this post without a special shout out to Triin Seppel (owner of Fenom Kimonos) and Georgette Oden (whose blog I follow - Georgette's Jiu Jitsu World).  It was great to meet you ladies in person!  :)

What a Difference a Year Makes

First, thanks for all the hugs!  They were just what I needed.  I may not be "feeling it" right now, but my game is improving, one little tiny baby step at a time.  I have to be reminded sometimes about how far I've come since I started.  Tomorrow will be one year since I first stepped on the mat to "try" jiu jitsu in the women's only class.  Little did I know that I would be completely and utterly in love with this sport twelve months later.  I can remember thinking during that first class that I would never, ever understand how to do an armbar.  I never dreamed that I could make it through the adult class warmups and still be standing.  I didn't think that I would ever learn anything as fantastic or amazing as a "BREAD AND BUTTER CHOKE"!!  If you train with me you know that it is my favorite choke and if you roll with me I will at least attempt it on you once!!  There have been many ups and downs in this last year.  I have felt beat up and bruised and exhilarated and empowered all at the same time.  If you love this sport, you know that feeling.  So, I think that it is appropriate, in celebration of my one year anniversary with BJJ, I am traveling with my friend and my daughter to the Leticia Ribeiro Seminar for Women in Austin, Texas.  I am so excited I can't hardly sit still today.  We get to be on the mat with ladies who are black belts and brown belts and purple belts and blue belts and white belts (OH MY!).  I will be taking notes and lots of pictures to share with everyone next week.  Until then...Tchau!! :)

Tears and Hugs and Jiu Jitsu

Last night I had a breakdown after Jiu Jitsu class.  This does not happen very often for me.  Even though I am a big "scaredy cat", I almost always feel empowered after I train.  Something was different yesterday.  I don't think I can really put my finger on exactly what was going on, I just know that I felt the tears coming halfway through the warm-up and I had to fight them back the entire class.  I was frustrated with myself during technique.  We were working on a really cool half guard escape where you end up in butterfly guard, but I shut down almost from the beginning (too much going on in my head...you want me to put what where and then do what??!!...holy crap, I can't do that...OMG, I will never be able to move this guy...and so on and so on).  I did finally, sort of, do the technique once, with lots of coaching and help.  Thank goodness for our amazing instructors at Elite.  Then we rolled twice.  My first roll was with my 14 year old daughter, who proceeded to royally kick my butt (even though I have 50 pounds on her...so much for my theories on being able to use my weight against my opponents...and note to self, do not use open guard against your daughter, she is too fast and too good and will have you in side control and/or mount before you can blink).  My second roll was with another newer lady that had been just coming to the women's only class (but I believe she had trained before and stopped).  It was a good roll.  She definitely challenges me, and she is crazy strong for a woman.  I spent most of my time defending and trying to break her crazy strong grips. 

Then we are lining up and bowing out and I am trying to get to my stuff so no one will see the tears coming.  I guess sometimes the stress of everyday life and work and taking care of a home and kids and a husband and training just start to overwhelm me and there's something raw and emotional about jiu jitsu that can just bring on the tears.  Maybe I just needed a good cry to cleanse the toxins from my body.  Whatever it was, I just went into the dressing room and sobbed like a little baby and then I had a good heart to heart with my coach.  He always seems to know what to say to make me feel better and manages to make me look at things in the right perspective.  He said that there will be hills and valleys in my training.  That it is perfectly normal and that everyone goes through that at every level (from white belt to black belt and every level in between).  He told me to quit listening to that little voice in my head so much, and just do what comes naturally.  Like I said in my previous post "Most days I win those battles, but sadly, some days I do not.  But every day I get back up to do battle again and again and again and ultimately I will win the war! ".  I guess yesterday I lost the battle.  But today's a new day and a new opportunity to fight the good fight.  I will make the most of it and go to class and train hard with an open mind and a full heart and hopefully no tears!

p.s. After our heart to heart, my coach did the unthinkable, he said "I think you need a hug"!  Well, let me tell you, that was just what I needed.  I think Mrs. Ibarra might be rubbing off on these tough Jiu Jitsu guys!  As a Mom, we all know that a hug is like magic (it can heal boo boos, dry tears, and mend a broken heart).  I love to give out lots and lots of hugs to whoever will let me hug them (on and off the mat), but every once in a while I need a hug.  :)

Jiu Jitsu vs. the Scaredy Cat

I have been my whole life a "scaredy cat".  I was always afraid to try new things.  I never wanted to go first and I never raised my hand in class (even when I knew the answer).  What do you think makes a person such a "scaredy cat"?  I've really spent my life up until now trying to figure out how to wrangle that fear.  I've thrown myself into my work so I would be so good at it I wouldn't ever be afraid (I would always know the answer, always be on top of things and always be the go to gal).  I played it safe so no one would ever see that fear.  I sat on the sidelines and didn't participate (even when I wanted to).  I let myself gain a lot of weight because I was afraid to exercise, telling myself that I might get hurt or embarassed or people might laugh at me.  I could go on, but you probably get the point. 

This is the old me...a big, fluffy scaredy cat!! :)

So what changed?  Well, sadly, my sister died a few years ago very suddenly.  Something inside me changed when that happened.  She was young and it made me realize that all those things that she might have done or wanted to do, she would never be able to do.  So I decided that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life sitting on the sidelines.  I wanted to live out loud.  I absolutely did not want to be controlled by my fear.  It is a slow progression for me, like crawling up out of a dark hole (and it is a deep, dark hole that I spent 44 years digging).  When I started at Elite I can't explain how scared I would be before each and every class, plus the anxiety in between.  I started with cardio kickboxing in November of 2009 and then moved on to women's only Jiu Jitsu class in June of 2010.  Then the unthinkable happened, I fell in love with Jiu Jitsu.  So, with a lot of encouragement from everyone at home and at the gym, I started the adult BJJ class in September of 2010.  I do not think I can even put into words how empowered I felt after making it through that very first adult class.  It was a major milestone for me.  I am still scared (heart pounding and nerves rattling) before and during every class.  But the exhilaration I feel after completing a class is what keeps me going.  It's what tells me I can do this.  I can go out there and try things that scare me and I'm still standing when it's over.  I am not such a "scaredy cat" anymore!!

This is the new me...a lean, mean fighting machine!! LOL...not quite, but I will get there!!

I still get paralyzed by my fear sometimes (just ask anyone who trains with me how I manage to get out of doing Judo rolls or backwards rolls or any kind of roll because they absolutely terrify the holy heck out of me!!).  But I keep going to class.  Even when my fear tries to talk me out of it, I keep going to class.  I will not let fear control how I live my life.  I have absolutely found something I love and I will not let fear stop me from being in the game.  I refuse to sit on the sidelines.  So if you see me in class and I stop dead in my tracks with that deer in the headlights look on my face, don't think I don't understand what we are doing or don't know how to do it or can't do it, it's probably me just having a little mini-battle with my internal fear demon.  Most days I win those battles, but sadly, some days I do not.  But every day I get back up to do battle again and again and again and ultimately I will win the war!  So, for the rest of you out there, what's holding you back, keeping you on the sidelines, or making you stop dead in your tracks and not move forward?  Life is too short and too precious to hide in the shadows and never fully live out loud!!  I am happier and healthier for having found jiu jitsu.  It's my weapon of choice in the battle against fear.  I encourage each and every one of you to find that thing that brings you such pure joy that you forget about your fear and just start living out LOUD!!  :)

To compete or not compete...that is the question??

I want to compete again on June 18th.  I'm having a little bit of trouble getting my head and my heart back in the game.  I don't know if I will be ready in time.  I don't know if I'm cut out to compete.  So I ask myself, what makes a good competitor?  Is it someone who's a natural born athlete?  Is it someone with that competitive fire burning deep in their belly to win?  Is it a little bit of both?  Can it be a little old lady who just loves BJJ and wants to push herself to another level??  I hope so...I believe so.  I know that it seems odd to some that I want to compete.  As a woman it's a very different thing to compete.  There aren't that many of us so we aren't broken down into the same categories as the men.  I'm 44 years old and I could go up against someone more than half my age (or worse, a white belt teenager...now that puts the fear in me)!  It means I have to train hard, be super prepared, and as my coach put it "go balls to the walls" this time!!  I was not a natural born athlete, and to say the least, I am more than a little bit clumsy.  But even someone like me can do BJJ and actually progress and grow and get better (maybe a little slower than most, but still progress).  The thing that compels me to compete is that you have to be brutally honest about your BJJ.  For me, it's this brutal honesty that will take my BJJ to another level.  Open your mind to the constructive criticism of your coaches.  Ask your coaches and instructors and teammates for help.  Don't be afraid to train like a mad scientist in a lab.  Find a partner in crime...someone to train with and talk to and someone who can be a sounding board for your BJJ.  I particularly loved Georgette Oden's blog piece on the Sorcerer and the Apprentice.  It actually struck a cord with me, and I'm actively looking for my Sorcerer...beware...it could be you!  So when you look at me and think why is that crazy old lady competing, maybe you will give it a second thought, maybe you will think about competing.  Because I believe that beating inside all of us is the heart of a champion!