Grace

I have been feeling horrible lately. Feels like my body is betraying me.  Chronic joint pain. Pinched nerves in my neck giving me grief. Shoulder, well we won't speak of it.  What's an old gal to do?  Go train. Stay home and rest. Go and watch. Hmmmm.  It's a tough one for me. Last week I opted out. Now I'm thinking that was a mistake because I feel worse. So tonight I will dust off my pride and suck it up and go train. I know there is not a magic pill that will make all my aches and pains go away. Jiu jitsu has helped me survive the last 5 plus years. I fear that had I not started training I would have just given in to the pain. Jiu jitsu saved me. That's the thing I have to cling to. It's grace keeps me from ever going back to that girl I was before. Peace. Love. Beautiful Jiu Jitsu. 

Looking back and smiling

Sometimes, it’s nice to be reminded about the beginning of the journey.  I am always excited when I meet someone so new to the sport that they are just glowing with excitement and anticipation.  They look at you with eyes shining.  They can’t wait to roll with you and test themselves and learn from you.   I am not the most athletic chick on the mat.  Not the most coordinated.  Not the most fit.  Not the one people ask for help.  But last weekend I got to train with some really cool newbies at Girls in Gis.  It was a privilege to train with them.  To show them what little knowledge I have about jiu jitsu.  They reminded me of a time not too long ago when my belt was fresh and white and clean.  They reminded me of a  time when my white belt had an empty black bar and was devoid of dirt and blood and sweat and tears.  I left that event with a full heart, smiling, happy, knowing that I had helped someone.  It may not seem like much, but it was just what I needed.  Sometimes you need to be reminded about the beginning to see how far you’ve come.  The journey, it’s so personal and unique for each person.  It will always be an honor when I can be a part of the beginning. 

As I tried to find the right words for this post, I remembered something I had read.  It was from Mark Johnson’s book “Jiu-Jitsu on the Brain”.  I just felt it was worth sharing.  Even though my belt is now blue and it is getting worn and frayed, I still love to remember the beginning, because without the beginning there would be no journey at all.

“The black bar on your belt represents the beginning; it’s blank, like your experience in jiu-jitsu.  You will be introduced to a new world, one filled with red-belted masters and wonderful techniques and weird uniforms and dealing with your own ego and frustration and knowledge and exhaustion and bliss.  It all begins with a search, a search for fulfillment or exercise or confidence.  The search has brought you to jiu-jitsu and this is where you begin.”

Anything is possible Tasmanian Devil Girl

I love the fact that my daughter and I train together. I affectionately nicknamed her Tasmanian Devil Girl on the mats. We have been blessed with some of our best memories because of jiu jitsu. Training together and going to seminars and attending Girls in Gis events and our Team SMAA open mats has given us countless hours of bonding time. Jiu jitsu allows us to push each other, talk to each other openly and support each other. I love that. The thing that I don’t love is watching her struggle. Lately I’ve been watching her feel defeated and broken. I feel helpless not being able to help her. Not having the right words to say to comfort her. It’s hard being a Mom sometimes. I want to protect her from everything bad in this world. On the mats I want to protect her too. I don’t want her to get hurt emotionally or physically. So, it’s a fine line we walk as jiu jitsu Moms. How do we let go enough to let them grow, but still protect them when we need to? I guess we will figure it out together. In the meantime, I will continue to support her and encourage her and even push her. I will pick her up from her first part-time job and help teach her how to drive and when she lets me, I will teach her to master the kimura from half guard and escape from side control even when it’s a 200 pound sweaty dude. And one day, when she’s ready, the bread and butter choke will be waiting for her. So, all you other Moms and Dads out there training with your kids, what do you do when you see your kids struggling on the mats? My wish for everyone today is peace, love and great Jiu Jitsu!

Milestones and Foam Rollers and LaCrosse Balls...oh my!

This week we are back at our routine...me and Tasmanian Devil Girl.  Truthfully, she's more tired and sore than me, probably because she skipped out on one too many classes during the holidays and I didn't.  I've jumped back in full throttle with my Paleo eating...I sort of derailed myself during the holidays.  I also hit a major milestone this week, six whole months without a Dr. Pepper.  Now that's something I thought I'd never say!  I do have a confession to make, I've been cheating on my acupuncturist with the chiropractor.  I have to say that both are great for repairing all the damage I do to my neck and shoulder sitting at a desk all day...yes I said it...sitting at a desk all day.  As rough and tumble as Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu are, sitting at a desk all day not moving is way more damaging to your body.  So, this new chiropractor is giving me tons and tons of good stretching exercises to do.  It's all great stuff, who knew the things you could do with a foam roller and a LaCrosse ball.  My neck and shoulders are going to feel like a million bucks folks, and if you thought they were flexible before, look out!  I'm looking forward to training tonight and then we are going to start a new jiu jitsu conditioning class after our regular class.  Working on the re-creation of Mrs. Ibarra begins....NOW!  :)

Creating Mrs. Ibarra

My favorite jiu jitsu author and fellow blogger Mark Johnson wrote something the other day that really got me to thinking, reflecting, contemplating.  It was a blog post he called “Creating Mark Johnson”.  Check it out here.  So if I could rebuild myself, make myself a better version of what I am already, what would that look like?  So I made my two lists.  So Mark, here goes…

What I am…

Moderately fit 45 year old woman

Happily married

Mother to Emily and Ben

Daughter and Sister and Friend

BJJ Blue belt

Student of Muay Thai who is afraid to spar

Blogger and aspiring writer

Dreamer

Someone who believes in the good in others

Sometimes controlled by my irrational fears

What I want to be…

Extremely fit 45+ chick

Still happily married

Awesome Mom to Emily and Ben

Open, honest and trusted Daughter and Sister and Friend

The best BJJ Blue belt I can possibly be

Fearless student of Muay Thai

Successful blogger and freelance writer

Dreamer

Someone who will never stop believing in the good in others

Someone who is not controlled by fear

p.s. if you haven’t already done so, check out Mark’s two books on Amazon -- Jiu Jitsu on the Brain and his new book Borrowing the Master’s Bicycle (which I am reading right now).  Good stuff people! 

Hannette Staack Women's Seminar

This past Sunday I attended the Hannette Staack women’s seminar in Houston.  I don’t think I’ve ever come back from an event as excited as I was after this seminar.  I was literally on the best jiu jitsu high ever.  Her teaching style was absolutely incredible.  She was friendly and encouraging and learned every person’s name and made a point to work with every single person there.  It wasn’t a huge group, just right.  I didn’t count heads, but I think there were about 20 women there.  The techniques she taught were two different open guard sweeps and two different ways to pass open guard.  We did lots of drilling…lots and lots of drilling.  She wanted to make sure we understood the techniques so that when we left we would remember them.  Guess what?  I still remember them, and I can’t wait to drill them and incorporate them into my game.  Thank you Hannette for a wonderful Sunday afternoon of jiu jitsu!

Me and Hannette after the seminar!  :)

Our Team SMAA Ladies! 

Tasmanian Devil Girl

It’s been an interesting week.  I got my very first black eye.  Before you start thinking I’m all that, my sweet 15 year old daughter elbowed me in the eye while we were rolling.  I call her the Tasmanian Devil Girl…she reminds me of the old cartoon character that was always moving at warp speed.  This old Mom can’t keep up with her and I move in instead of moving out and she whirls around at warp speed and BAM, elbow and eye collide.  She still feels pretty rotten about it, cried like a baby, but Mama’s all good.  What other place than on the mats can you beat up on your Mom and its okay! 

This is what I see when I roll with my daughter...a big blur of arms and legs coming at me from all directions.  Tasmanian Devil Girl...I still love you! :)

I completed my second Elements class for Crossfit yesterday.  I was so far outside my comfort zone it hurt.  But right in the big middle of all that sweat and pain and gasping for air, I just knew.  I am on the right path.  My journey has taken me right where I belong.  I’m going to be okay and I will get where I need to be.  I’ve got lots of help, great coaches, a loving family, and a whole community of BJJ brothers and sisters.   .