Just when I am feeling the love and getting my BJJ groove back, it seems everything goes to hell. Chalk it up to Murphy's Law...karma...the universe playing tricks on me...screw that...it's not funny anymore. Just when I was coming out of my BJJ funk, and starting to feel progress, everything else sort of goes nuts...my job, my commute, my shoulders (both of them), my knee, my shins, feels like just about everything is out of whack...the universe is out of alignment. Whatever it is, it SUCKS!! I don't normally get emotional about not being asked to belt test, but for some reason it just hit me the wrong way tonight. Don't they see me, don't they see how much I want it, how much I need it, how hard I work and how much I sacrifice. Don't they see my blood, sweat and tears. I know, we are never guaranteed anything, and who knows what the criteria is that they use to ask us to test, I would hope it's based on whether we are ready (technically and emotionally), not how many classes we came to and did we make it through the horrendous, grueling warm-ups that seem to suck so much life out of this old lady that I can't even concentrate on the technique of the day and so on and so on. I do have a blueprint for my training, but at the rate I'm going, it doesn't look like I'm going to reach any of my goals that I set for this year. I'm going to give myself only a few more hours to sulk and be angry at the world and then I will let it go. Tomorrow's a new day and a new beginning and maybe the universe will be back in alignment and all will be right.
This song really kind of says it all about how I'm feeling about my Jiu Jitsu journey right now. It reminds me that we each are traveling through this journey in our own way and at our own speed and to the best of "our" own abilities. It's not about how fast it takes me to get there, what may or may not be waiting for me on the other side, and it's definitely NOT about that little voice telling me "you'll never make it", it's all about "The Climb".