To compete or not compete...that is the question??

I want to compete again on June 18th.  I'm having a little bit of trouble getting my head and my heart back in the game.  I don't know if I will be ready in time.  I don't know if I'm cut out to compete.  So I ask myself, what makes a good competitor?  Is it someone who's a natural born athlete?  Is it someone with that competitive fire burning deep in their belly to win?  Is it a little bit of both?  Can it be a little old lady who just loves BJJ and wants to push herself to another level??  I hope so...I believe so.  I know that it seems odd to some that I want to compete.  As a woman it's a very different thing to compete.  There aren't that many of us so we aren't broken down into the same categories as the men.  I'm 44 years old and I could go up against someone more than half my age (or worse, a white belt teenager...now that puts the fear in me)!  It means I have to train hard, be super prepared, and as my coach put it "go balls to the walls" this time!!  I was not a natural born athlete, and to say the least, I am more than a little bit clumsy.  But even someone like me can do BJJ and actually progress and grow and get better (maybe a little slower than most, but still progress).  The thing that compels me to compete is that you have to be brutally honest about your BJJ.  For me, it's this brutal honesty that will take my BJJ to another level.  Open your mind to the constructive criticism of your coaches.  Ask your coaches and instructors and teammates for help.  Don't be afraid to train like a mad scientist in a lab.  Find a partner in crime...someone to train with and talk to and someone who can be a sounding board for your BJJ.  I particularly loved Georgette Oden's blog piece on the Sorcerer and the Apprentice.  It actually struck a cord with me, and I'm actively looking for my Sorcerer...beware...it could be you!  So when you look at me and think why is that crazy old lady competing, maybe you will give it a second thought, maybe you will think about competing.  Because I believe that beating inside all of us is the heart of a champion!